My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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