The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
