no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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