Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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