Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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