He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
