so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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