Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
