i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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