so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
