So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
