consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
