she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Did you just see the Batmobile???
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
