Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
