He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
