There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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