So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
