my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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