Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
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They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
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I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm too high and old for this...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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