Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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