he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
