im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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