I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
