Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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