I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
