Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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