I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
