Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
