do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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