I wish they made helmets for livers.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
