woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize