I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
