i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
