So drunk its hurt
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
