Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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