Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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