so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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