Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
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Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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