whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Pants are for mortals
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
