Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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