dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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