On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
