I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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