dude i'm inner monologue high
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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