you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
