playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
two words...techno handjob
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
