I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
