it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Bring me that man meat
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
