these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
