I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
