i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
