and you said cock pushups were impossible
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
