just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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