How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize