u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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