I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
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new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
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Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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