At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
