I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
