Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
