Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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