Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
