I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
