Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
